Down in the Dumps

First I have to mention that I love that someone came across my blog who was looking for poop for gardners. I assume they were looking for fertilizer.

This is my last week of maternity leave...well technically. Unfortunately I am in need of surgery which is going to keep me out of work for another 2 weeks in the next month. Since Rylie's birth I've known something was wrong, but I've been passed from Dr. to Dr., had ultrasounds, needles in my stomach, and now a CT scan to get to a final result. It only took 3 months and ALL of my maternity leave to figure this out. Thank god it wasn't an emergency.

I've been growing a golf ball sized lump in my belly and I've named it Anderson (yes, after Anderson Cooper. I'm sure he'd be happy to know) middle name Sanjay after what my sister calls Anderson's anchor BFF. Anderson Sanjay Gardner. My sister and I both have crushes on Anderson Cooper, and I also have a crush on Dr. Drew. But back to my story...

From the outside my lump feels like someone is holding a lighter to my stomach. From the inside it feels like someone is pinching me real hard.

While trying to figure out what this growth is, they also discovered that I have an umbilical hernia. I'm still unclear exactly what this lump is cause I don't understand surgeon speak, but I know it is not going to kill me which is a good thing. The surgeon will need to cut me open in two places to get all my problems resolved. This terrifies me. When I was in labor the epidural did not work for me, then when they decided to do an emergency c-section, the first few meds they gave me didn't work. I finally got a spinal tap and passed out missing the birth of my baby. Sad. My blood pressure was so high and I ended up in the hospital for days. I'm hoping this doesn't turn out as bad. I'm not looking forward to it.

I've been feeling 120% sad about going back to work next week, and now this isn't making things any better. I'm struggling with the fact that once I'm back at work, I'll be spending more time each day with my co-workers than I will with my daughter. I know it's for the best, I'll be happy to have social interaction with adults, and start making money again so I can buy my baby awesome things, but I really really REALLY wish I could just win the lottery or move to Canada. Secretly I'm so jealous that my husband gets to stay home with her for a month now. Well I guess the cats out of the bag now.

I think Rylie senses I'll be leaving her soon, she's been awfully snuggly this week, or maybe I've been forcing her to be snuggly and convincing myself that she knows what is going on. Today we attempted a self portrait photo shoot.

On Saturday we invited some friends to watch boxing and make some pizzas. Nothing better than food, friends and a bunch of muscley men beating the crap out of each other to make you feel better. It worked temporarily. I think I will try some retail and spa therapy next.

Now that I've vented all of this I promise my next post to be more uplifting.